I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
