booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
