Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
