I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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