Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize