Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
