My hair reeks of homosexuality.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
