the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I party with great urgency now.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
