dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Randomize
