I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
