Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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