Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
You were trust falling into bushes
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
