some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
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