it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
