.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize