You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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