i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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