everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
