How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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