They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize