I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
