Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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