i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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