I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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