There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
