I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
