Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
