Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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