I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
