Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
