Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
