all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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