Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
