Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
