i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
