Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
