We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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