There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
