i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I deserve this hangover.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
