so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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