4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
