For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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