Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
