when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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