I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
