Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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