so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
