I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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