Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
