I'm laying in your front yard are you home
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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