i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
