is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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