At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
try to milk me bitch
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
