You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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