the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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