4 words: hood of his car
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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