well I can't set my house on fire every night
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
