I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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