I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
