a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
