I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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