You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
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