But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
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I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize