I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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