Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
