You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
