pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Randomize
