She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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